“Welcome to the After Life Processing Center – your final step to put a bow on the lives you have and could have led. Your Guide will be joining you shortly, so please wait for a few moments.”

Tala blinked. Well, that was anticlimactic. After spending her life fighting the religious types, who insisted after-life was either a cloud-cluttered heaven or a fire-filled hell, as well as the atheists who were sure death was just a ‘winking out’ of the consciousness, the last thing she expected was this dentist office style lobby with a giant TV. In fact, the closest thing she could think of to her current moment was a movie theater. She was even inexplicably craving popcorn.

“Huh. So none of you were right about the afterlife huh?” Tala spoke into the void.

“Weren’t they? I thought Buddha came pretty close..” came a voice from the corner, making Tala jump.

“Oh I’m so sorry for surprising you, I should have announced myself, or at the very least simulated the sound of a door opening and closing. But anyway, here we are now. Welcome to the After Life Processing Center! I am your Guide, here to help you with your soul-processing today.”

The voice came from a lady in her mid-40s, dressed in that impeccable but comfortable way that teachers always dress. In fact, the closer Tala looked at her, the more the Guide looked like her high school History teacher Ms M – perhaps the only teacher in her school who had managed to make History an interesting subject for Tala.

Tala blinked. “Umm. Hi?”

The Guide kept smiling, so Tala kept going. “Uhh. What am I doing here?”

The Guide smiled the same kind, understanding smile that Tala’s history teacher used to. 

“Ok, let’s start with what you know to be true. You have lived a life on earth, for 65 years, 2 months and 3 days. And in those years, you made choices – big and small – about what you wanted to do. Whether to study for a test or play that game. Whether to move to a new country for a newer, stranger life, or to stay where you knew you’d be happy. Whether to settle for a life partner you knew, or search out someone new.”

As she talked, Tala saw images on the screen – flashbacks to the midnight game of Age of Empires before her Physics exam. Saying goodbye to her parents before a flight to boarding school in Singapore. Tears under a cherry blossom tree.

“At each point, your decisions led to a net change in two things in your life – your happiness, and your wealth. Happiness, you understand I’m sure – moments of overwhelming joy, but also periods of contentment – both are equally powerful.”

As the Guide spoke, the images suddenly shifted – Tala’s graduation ceremony, smelling lilies her husband bought, running her hands through her daughter’s hair – and a straight line steadily shot upwards along the left side of the screen

“Wealth seems to cause more confusion with you Homo Sapiens Sapiens. We think of wealth here as the physical manifestation of anything you toiled for – be it money, six pack abs, a book on naval history, a unique skill of solving Rubik’s cubes with your feet – anything that you worked hard to earn.” 

The screen flashed of late nights studying, years of traveling for work, hours of practicing dance with her college crew. A straight line inched right across the bottom of the screen. 

Abruptly, the images disappeared and millions upon millions of little blue lines started to emerge against the black background, starting at the bottom left and zig zagging their way upwards and rightwards with increasing speed. Some thin and erratic ones grew in all sorts of odd directions, like flyaway hair on a bad beach hair day, and some thick and purposeful ones marched on, like a stairstep that knew where it needed to go. One line in particular pulsed a faint yellow.

“What are these lines? Why is that one line in yellow?” Tala asked, unable to hide her curiosity, knowing it was the worst form to interrupt a History teacher in the middle of her lecture.

The kind-smile hadn’t moved an inch. “That yellow line is the life you led. The rest of the blue lines are the lives you could have led.”

Tala stared at the graph, unable to comprehend what she was looking at. Lives I could have led?

Her first thought, competitive as she was, was that her yellow line wasn’t the best at anything. Squarely in the middle of one of the thick stairsteps marching upwards and rightwards, with a few erratic deviations in a few spots, but not outshining any of the blue lines on any dimension.

“I mean, I knew I was sort of boring, and I guess I did practice moderation all my life.. So I shouldn’t be shocked at just how boring my life looks compared to the other possible lives I could have led, but sheesh this is kind of depressing. Why would you want to show people this?”

The Guide kind-smiled once more, but this time with a hint of mischief – like she was about to spring a pop quiz on the class. “Because you NOW have a chance to take a peek at a few of those blue lines. You can pick any two of these 2.65 million lives, and see what those lives would have looked like.”

“What?! But.. How could you possibly know? That would mean.. But I guess this is the after-life so you probably DO know every possibility in the universe?” 

“Exactly”. The kind smile never left her face. It was starting to get eerie.

“So… I guess then the real question is, how would I know which ones to pick to watch?”

“You can give me any criteria you desire, and I can tell you which line on this chart it represents. For example this one” – a thin blue line that had made its way to the very top flashed white – “is where you had the most accumulated happiness in your lifetime, while this one” – a line extending to the far right flashed white – “is where you had the most wealth. This one” – an erratic zig zag- “was your least probable life, this one” – the fat staircase in the middle – “was the most probable. This one had you live the longest in one city while in this one you were the most famous” As she spoke, lines flashed white all over the chart.

“Most famous? Which one is that? And do you know what I became famous for?”

A white line flashed again, rather flat and short, ending its journey rather quickly and abruptly. 

“It appears you were famous for making a viral video.”

“What kind of video? Why is the line so short? Did I die young?”

“To know more about the video, you would have to watch it. You died pretty old in this life actually – 88 years. The length of the line doesn’t represent how long you lived, only how much happiness and wealth you accumulated. It’s been my experience that the “most famous” lifelines are often the shortest, because having achieved a peak of fame, many humans stop seeking ways to be happier than they are at that moment, and stop working on things that would gain them more wealth. So much easier to just coast, no?” The Guide said, without a trace of sarcasm in her voice. “There are exceptions though, of the Gandhi and Mandela variety, but, they’re rare.. Because to them the fame was a means to an end, a step towards bigger things they were working on.”

Tala’s mind was reeling. She didn’t hear much past the first sentence of what the Guide said. A chance to rewatch her life would be wasted on a line that short, right? So, what to pick?

The Guide observed the expressions flitting across Tala’s face. This was its 20,768,987th soul, and 4798th Homo Sapien Sapiens – or HSS – soul. There was a reason it kept asking to get assigned back to the Homo Sapiens Sapiens unit. No other division was ever as time consuming and laborious as an HSS soul, but P154 was one of the few who enjoyed it. HSS still had its monotony – for instance the current series of expressions on Tala’s face were textbook for every soul at this stage of understanding of the LifeGraph. However, HSS souls always managed to be a lot less monotonous than the Insects or even Mammals. And every few hundred souls or so, an HSS or two would even manage to spring something completely new on P154, which always made for good stories at break time.

Tala seemed to have made up her mind, so P154 brought itself back from the woolgathering. 

“I’d like to first watch the line that got me the maximum accumulated happiness. And can I pick the second one later?”

“Excellent! That’s always a good pick, great for learning purposes. We’ll usually slow the video down where there are major life choices that changed the course of your life, and speed through the rest, but feel free to ask me for a specific time too – sound good?”

P154 started the LifeVideo, and while many of its fellow guides often watched the movie with the soul, P154 always watched the souls’ reactions to their alternative lives instead. Most often they were sad, surprised or thoughtful, but every so often one of them got the point of it all, and were content knowing that somewhere out there, there was a version of themselves who did it right, got it right.

Tala seemed to be carefully watching, intent in thought, and suddenly gasped. “Oh! I did end up going to NASA! Grandpa must have been so happy!” 

“He most definitely was” the Guide responded. 

“Man, I can’t believe I stuck with aerospace engineering. I mean, as I grew older I often wished I had, and was always looking up the Challenger probe and the Mars Rover missions, so I shouldn’t be surprised I suppose, but I still can’t believe…” she trailed off, as the video changed from NASA’s stark white design labs to a cluttered factory full of stressed out people. “Wait is that SpaceX? I actually went to SpaceX??”

P154’s face stayed unchanged, knowing it was a rhetorical question – after all, the logo was emblazoned across the giant rocket on the screen. The video sped faster, then slowed as the CEO himself towered over a room of 20 people, asking the group if they were willing to join the first Mars Exploration Mission.

“No. NO WAY. No friggin’ way. I went to Mars??? I actually went to Mars?”

The video sped up once more through what looked like months of physical training, studying manuals and WAY too many psych evals before it slowed again as the first glimpses of the red planet appeared in the tiny porthole of the Falcon XXI rocket.

P154 doubted Tala even realized that her mouth was hanging fully open. The video sped up once more, now every scene red-hued, through years of building and expanding the scientific base.

Tala turned to the Guide, “Did I ever go back to Earth?”

“No. You lived on Mars till the age of 65 before succumbing to over-exposure to trace elements in the Martian landscape that affected your lungs. You actually helped discover this issue and create better filters for the habitat – the average lifespan on Mars eventually became as long as on Earth.”

Tala was silent for a while, and her smile slowly grew and her eyes got teary. “I can’t believe I went to Mars. Even if I didn’t live that life, the fact that I could have just makes me so incredibly happy.” 

Suddenly Tala broke from her reverie. “Hang on, I didn’t see Angon in this life though?”

Ah, the inevitable ‘why isn’t my soul mate in this life’ question. P154 had plenty of experience with this one, and after years of trying to explain the concept probability and chance and the irrationality of having a perfect soulmate to HSSs, it knew the shortest path to realization was to counter with a question “You met him at business school in New York, but in this life you continued to study Aerospace in California – so where could you possibly have met him?”

Tala stared. “Oh. Right. So, did I meet, I mean, date, anyone else?”

“You met a few good people, but never married. You were busy exploring a new planet after all.”

Tala contemplated that for a few minutes. P154 could never fathom why this was always such a sticking point for the HSSs. No other species ever seemed to care who their mate was in a given life. It was also what made the HSSs so entertaining though. Oh the tears P154 had seen on this topic. Shah Jahan’s meltdown was still talk of the after-life centuries later.

“Ok, for the second life, can I pick my most improbable life?”

The Guide smiled, and started the second video. ‘Most Improbable” was a popular pick, and often a light-hearted follow up to whatever most people picked as their first – kind of like a rollicking good comedy full of improbable twists and absurd situations after watching an Oscar winning heavy drama. They usually went by relatively fast with no pauses, questions or reflections. P154 started to catalog it’s next HSS to get to in parallel.

Tala’s eyebrows were impossibly crinkled. “Oh boy – this life really is something strange. I got a belly button piercing? Because my lesbian partner wanted to celebrate her 30th in a special way? Also I seemed to have stayed at that commune for far too long – never thought I’d see myself in so many versions of gray cotton. I did think it’d be a cool experience though, seems like a version of me did try and like it enough to stick around in it for 2 years.”

As the video reached it’s end, Tala was still snickering to herself at the absurdity of dying of a heart attack the day after sky diving for her 80th birthday. “At least I was consistent in my love for stupid ideas to celebrate things”.

As the lights dimmed, P154 opened the door in the corner, and the room started to pulse a warm yellow. Tala started as her form started to gently move towards the door.

“Wait, that’s it? I’m done? Where am I going now?”

“You’re on your way to get processed for your next life, once you’ve completed the exit questionnaire”

“Next life? Oh that’s what you meant by “Buddha came close”! And what questionnaire?”

“I have three questions for you. First question, Would you replace the life you lived with any of the ones you watched today?”

“Umm, no actually. Though I didn’t go to Mars, I loved my life. I loved Angon, my kids, my parents, my friends. There’s nothing I would trade for that. But hang on, can I ask you a question before I go?” 

P154 sighed internally. Getting this one to finish the questions quickly was going to be tricky. P154 hated the curious ones. Really put a crimp in the schedule. 

“Second question. Would you like to have memories of this life to be available to you in your next life?” Tala’s form had paused on its journey to the door, waiting for the second response.

“Hang on! I mean, yeah sure, although, how would that even work?” 

“Your brain does not have the memory capacity for multiple lifetimes, so the more vivid memories will appear as gut feelings, visions, deja vus, flashes of memories, or most commonly, dreams. Third question. Would you like to repeat any experiences from your current life again in your future life?”

Tala’s form was on the brink of the door, waiting for the final answer. 

“If I answer this, do I get kicked out of here? But I have so many questions!”

P154 felt the standard protocol ingrained within it for such situations – to repeat the third question – come to a halt. This phenomenon was talked about often at the after-life gatherings – they called it ‘going native’ – when after-life processors spent too much time with one species and started to pick up that species’ traits. This particular behavior was called ‘sympathy’. It also knew from experience that it was faster to just answer a question than to try to deny these HSSs.

“Ok, you get one question, and then you have to answer mine.”

“Ok fine. Why? Why do this.. this.. ‘Life replay’? What’s the point?”

Easily the top question on their FAQ handbook. “The hope is that by reliving some of your lives, you learn some lessons beyond what your single life taught you, and that helps you make better choices in the next life. Now, third question. Would you like to repeat any experiences from your current life again in your future life?

Tala was clearly brimming with more questions, but knew she had made a deal. “I would like to relive the quiet moments of just watching certain people in my life, and realizing I loved them more each passing moment than I did the moment before. It could be anyone – my parents, my partner, my friends, my children – whoever I hold dear in my next life, but I would like to experience that feeling again.”

P154 gave no response, because it had no way of guaranteeing that any of Tala’s wishes for these questions would be fulfilled. This was just protocol after all. A soul pop quiz at the end of soul class to make sure some of the learnings stuck with them as they went to their next lives.

The Guide smiled kindly once more. “Thank you for visiting the After Life Processing Center. I wish you all the best in your next life.”

P154 shut the door, and turned around to face the man blinking in his chair.

Continue to Chapter 2: The Fame Blame →